Sure, I already knew I would be talking to Satan when I saw him on election night (see below, the second posting to this blog), but I was surprised when my cell phone rang and above the phone number it just said HELL.
"Mr Rove?" I said.
"No, this is Satan." the Devil responded.
"Don't tell me you are cancelling for election night?" I asked.
"No, not at all. I am calling because I wanted you to know I was very upset by what went on at the UN last week." He said.
"Many people were, but I would think that circus would have been amusing to you." I observed.
"Oh it was, until that boob Chavez from Venezuela went on, and had the nerve, the audacity, the poor taste to call George W. Bush---the Devil."
"I see." I responded.
"The nerve, to equate George W. with me, ME! George W. is third circle at best down here. It's not just about being Evil to make you rate down here, baby. You need skills, 'tude, finesse. No, George W. is not like me. Pay the Devil his due. He's worse, cause he's got the bluff without the bravado. I play by the rules. No one suffers in Hell until they have been proven guilty. Yes, we have due process down here. You remember due process, right? You used to have it in the US too." Satan started laughing now. Then he said, "In fact, if you look at how he operates, spitting in the face of the UN and the world when they called for restraint in handling Iraq, he ignores international treaties on everything from global warming to weapons limitations, his administration not only tortures innocents in the expectation that some may be guilty, but his administration fights for the legal right to do so,---no, that's not the usual evil, that's really low. Lower down than where I come from, and that's pretty low. Around here, contracts are binding, know what I mean? In fact, he is more like the president of Iran, Ahmadinejad. They both argue that they do what is best for their nations, whether that is the concensus or not, and the rest of the world, if you will pardon the expression, "be damned!". And Chavez, forget about him, I had plans for him, but now he'll be cleaning HELL'S Kitchen--- and bathrooms, for all eternity!"
"Okay. You don't mind if I write about some of this, right?" I asked.
"If I didn't want that, I wouldn't have let you blog our discussion about election night." He said.
"I see. I thought the way you were showing your disapproval for my telling about our meeting, was by stopping people from actually reading my blog." I thought a moment and then said, "You mean I don't get any 'hits' on this blog for real?!!!" I asked, sobbing.
"Sorry. Not my fault." He responded.
"You know, by the way Satan," I began, "something about your voice reminds me of a girl I used to know...."
"That was my niece." He laughed.
"You know," I said, "her mother used to tell me she was the devil,..."
"Nope, just my niece." He said. "See you on election night," he reminded.
"Yes," I said, "see you then...."