Friday, August 31, 2007

Bush’s Latest Release: "HealthCare, Leave the Children Behind." Satan’s Review: "Two Horns Up!!"

“That’s just plain mean.” Satan said as his face lit up and a wide grin spread across his face face. We were sitting at the bar of our favorite Manhattan spot when the news scrawled across the bottom of the cable news screen. President Bush was suing to stop states from expanding public insurance programs to cover more uninsured children.

"He needn't keep trying so hard to get my attention and spend the afterlife with me in my domain," Satan said, "he had me at Hello!" We laughed.

"Yeah, tell me something we didn't know!" I said.

"This is pretty despicable though, keeping health care from children in need because he believes this is slowly leading to Universal Government Run Health Care." Satan said.

"Yeah, well, he and his administration aren't going to be accused of either great foresight or great compassion. And as for intellectually and morally considering issues, well, I heard he is also committed to outlawing antibiotics to stop the genocide against microbes!"

"So where do you stand on this issue?" Satan asked.

"I am for the genocide of illness inducing microbes, actually, although I understand the importance of microbes in general and support all non-pathogenic microbes, molds and viruses."

"No." He barked. "On expanding these government run programs for children!"

"Ah, well, I am not a fan of Universal Health Care because I believe it will sap the future of medical innovation and grind health care to a bureaucratic halt where we will end up a nation of chronically ill generic pill poppers. I believe that a carefully constructed realignment of health care is in order, and I have peppered these concepts throughout my many months here. However, I am never against fixing anything and Universal Health Care is better than no health care, which the most recent census just announced another 2 and a 1/2 million uninsured in this country to over 48 million! This needs to be addressed and Universal Health care is one way. If the president fears this, he'd better come up with alternatives because a conservative free market President that hates lawsuits should not be threatening to sue states to stop them from providing necessary health coverage to uninsured children. In the short run, these programs make sense and should be put into place while the kind of system wide restructuring I advocate is explored and enacted." I responded. Satan just looked at me.

"You both think very highly of your opinions," Satan began, "but at least your ideas would help people. and George W. Bush's will help him go down in history, not only for so many terrible crimes against humanity in the middle east, and for his atrocious self serving domestic initiatives, but now, for holding back health care from the children! He will have as a big a place in history as he imagines, but not in the way he believes." Satan smiled.

Gary Hart Redux: Or Another Difference between Democrats and Republicans.

I really hate to go against Oprah, because I respect her, look up to her, and sincerely hope to be on her show someday with a book I wrote that she puts on her recommended list! Nevertheless, I cannot figure out why she believes all you need to be President is to be a good person and have some good ideas. If that were enough then Jimmy Carter would have gone down as one of the best Presidents of the 20th century instead of one of our less effectual ones.
I am of course speaking of her endorsing Obama for President. Fortunately, as bad as Democrats are at running elections, as a party they rarely vote in those with good things to say, but no substance, or at least current proof of substance, for what is surely the single most important job in the free world. They didn't vote in Gary Hart, or Howard Dean, even though it was exciting to think you could just embrace change and move the country forward. It takes much more then good intentions and good ideas in this world. It takes foresight, compromise, political abilities, guts, determination, and yes, experience in these areas. Republicans on the other hand love inexperience because it leaves less of a history to dissect and attack. that is why George W. was their candidate. He was a mediocre 1 and a 1/2 term governor of a middle-ground state. Very little to point to, and little to criticize, and really not much to talk about at all...just to speculate...and then, of course, be attacked for speculating. It works for parties afraid of their candidates, but not for those looking for the best. And in that regard I believe Hillary Clinton, should, and will be the Democrat candidate for President, as well as the first female President of the United States of America.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Note to Bush Administration: Just because Satan does it, doesn't mean you have to!

I was busily working on my HealthCare Reform Part 2b when my cellphone rang, and as is often the case, the caller picked a hell-of-a time to call.
"Hello." I said.
"You don't sound so happy for getting a call from your biggest---and really, ONLY--- fan." Satan said.
"I'm busy, that's all. What's going on?"
"I noticed in one of your drafts for a future blog entry you mentioned that Satan could learn a thing or two from President Bush, what with his trampling of American citizens rights and all."
"I was being facetious." I responded. Then, "Hey! Don't look through my drafts!"
"I look at more than your drafts, I've gone all through your computer and I have to say I am shocked, horrified and impressed all at the same time. As for being facetious---so you say, but I want you to know if anyone learned it from anyone, he learned it from me!~ Meet me at our favorite establishment in an hour and we can talk more about it. Maybe I can even give you some ideas." He was already clicking off as I agreed.
One hour later at a bar in NYC.
I didn't see Satan out front but when I looked in I saw him at the bar. I walked in and sat down at the available stool right beside him.
"I can always get a seat here, no matter how busy it is." I remarked.
"Some people don't want to sit too close to the devil. Maybe they fear guilt by association." He mused. "But you have never hesitated, not since that first day you found yourself sitting beside me and you eavesdropped on my phone call."
"I'm not sure sitting next to you is the issue." I said, "But as for eavesdropping---you were talking very loudly. I think you wanted me to hear. After all, it went down like a healthcare joke, remember? You were sitting there and you were repeating what you were hearing, and apparently there was a train full of managed care and health insurance executives, politicians, lawyers and doctors all on their way to Washington D.C. for a congressional hearing on healthcare reform when there was a terrible accident. Many were killed, and their souls were on their way “down” to you for processing. Suddenly, you dropped the phone on the bar, threw your hands up in disgust, and cried out: “What did I do to deserve this?!!! Remember?”
"Yes, I remember." He smiled. "A fortuitous coincidence." He smiled again, in a way that made me sure he was lying. Then he pulled out a digital recorder and laid it on the bar. "A glass of 'Blue' for my friend here, " he began, "and another for me as well."
"You have good taste, I always have to say." Which I did. Then he pulled out two fine Fuente Dominican cigars with the ends already neatly clipped.
"Thank you," I said as I took one, but added, "you know, even though you keep ignoring it, I pretty much gave these up. I only smoke with you now."
'What do you want to do, live forever?" He said with mock indignation.
"Well, I'd like to hang around a while, and besides, I'd like to be sure where I am headed first."
"Oh. I think we both know where YOU are headed. Besides, afraid of Hell?" He asked.
"Isn't that the point?" I asked.
"But it's a dry heat." He remarked.
"Yeah, yeah. I know. I am also scared of the company. When I look who is likely headed down there, I am afraid every day would be like the 2004 Republican Convention."
"We get all kinds down there, you know." He responded.
"I understand." I said as flame flared from his fingertips and lit both of our stogies. "What's with the recorder?" I asked. "You want to quote me accurately in your own blog?" I laughed.
"No. I want to play you a recording I made in the White House back a ways." He said.
"OK. But if it's Monica talking about dress stains, I don't need to hear it. I'm thinking of ordering food at some point!"
"No. Not Monica."
"Something historical? Thomas Jefferson cavorting, perhaps?" I asked.
"No. But by the way, the digital recorders back in Jefferson's time were the size of a house and needed a thousand rats running on treadmills to power them."
"Sure." I said sarcastically.
"Or maybe I'm just having a flashback to the Flintstones. Anyway, listen...." He said as he pushed a button on the recorder. A little screen popped up and I was watching as well as hearing George W. speaking with Dick Cheney. On the bottom right corner it flashed 2005.
"Dick, I am a little concerned here, sticking up for Halliburton when they continue to do business in Iran, and when all the news is on about how they were in Iran and Iraq back when you were running them. I wasn't supposed to have to do this. You said no one would notice."
"Mr. President, George, please, we've been over this before. I said it was none of their damn business, but you have nothing to worry about, after all, let me remind you that you have already actually won the election this time! Now, as I have said, that is a subsidiary of Halliburton doing the business, and in my opinion, and that of many Halliburton executives, it is a quite legal thing to be doing. But more important, let me remind you how Halliburton continuing to work in Iran is good for all Americans."
"Please Dick, please do that, I am faltering from my moral high ground and I need your stout hearted, albeit with stents and medication, faith and support."
"Look, it's great to hate Iran. Really. Hey, I hate it, and all its people too. But--BUT---if we are too hard on Iran, or don't help support its infrastructure, a big supplier of oil will falter, and then we will have less oil for all the blessed people of our great nation to execute their God granted right to drive big gas guzzling automobiles and SUV's. Now, it's okay to say we shouldn't work in, or deal with, Iran, because that sends fear into the markets and raises the price of oil without actually affecting supply. This in turn enriches those great Americans, like ourselves, who had the foresight to invest in Oil and fuel services. BUT, if the supply were to actually be disrupted, then the price increases would primarily go to all those Terrorist--Allah fearing countries with little left for honest Americans except long gas lines. So you can see that Halliburton is really carrying out a public service, protecting our peoples supply of gasoline as well as enriching some of the most deserving and important Americans."
"Dick, I know I can call you Dick because so many people do. I want to thank you for reminding me of how difficult it can sometimes be to protect this great way of life for our friends as well as all non-Muslim Americans and for giving me the strength to continue to fight the good fight, even when being criticized by those Godless liberals and their always dragging the Constitution into everything. As long as we hold onto Congress and the Senate, and I have no doubt that we will because I believe we have begun a Republican empire that will last a 1000 years, before I leave office I am going to propose a constitutional amendment to make it unconstitutional to throw the constitution in the President's face every time he has to 'trample on a few personal liberties and rights' for the greater good of this great nation of ours."
"George. What a courageous and bold idea. Not like anything I have heard before. There has truly never been a President quite like you. I believe that your brilliant handling of the Middle East will ultimately seal our place in history " Cheney uttered in awe and admiration.
"Thank you Dick. Read my lips, and I'm sorry to have to say this daddy, but I think you, Dick Cheney, are the hardest working Vice President this nation has ever known."
At this point Satan clicked off the recorder.
"What'd you think?" He asked. Then he looked in my eyes, "You're unimpressed!" He barked.
"No, I admit it was interesting to have the particulars, but to see that Dick could convince George W. of these things is not really much of a surprise from a President who thinks 'rights' are just some complicated gibberish the police read to you just before they book you for drunk driving."
"You make a good point."
"Also," I began, "I actually agree with Cheney on one point. I believe the way this Administration has handled the Middle East will help to seal their fate in the historical record. However, not in a good way. By the way, what you did here was really bugging, circa Nixon, more than wiretapping circa Bush. But, then, I guess it's all really just covert and illegal surveillance of American Citizens circa a bunch of Republicans." I pointed out.
Satan considered a moment and then said, "Let's watch the Mets Game and then I'll give you some ideas you might be able to use."
"Ok. I love the Mets. They've been doing pretty good the last couple of years." I said as I puffed my cigar, then took a sip of scotch. Satan looked at me and smiled, then said, "They strike a hard bargain."
"No. I know you're kidding this time because if they made a deal with you they wouldn't have blown the playoffs last year!" I cried out.
"Or maybe they just didn't read the fine print." He said as he began laughing.
To Be Continued, (again)....

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Karl Rove Apologizes! And HealthCare Reform Part 2.

Unfortunately Karl Rove resigned before I ever got to finish this (and unfortunately he did not resign many years before!). I post this as Part 2(a) with the rest coming soon, before it becomes even more irrelevant, along with Mr. Rove and his sidekick Mr. W. Bush!
I am sure we don't need to preface this with a list of all that Rove has to apologize for since we have mentioned it regularly. Of course, he only advises, and the worst offenders are really those that follow his lead. Nevertheless, to remind you we can just look at his most recent debacle; his coordinating on behalf of the administration, the firings of the Federal Prosecutors. Now, this is just the latest in a string of heinous violations of decency and human and religious moral and ethical codes. But it came as quite a shock when I turned on the television and found Rove making this announcement: "I am terribly sorry for helping to engineer a Presidential Administration that makes most Americans long for the good old days of Nixon and Carter and the non lethal crimes of Watergate and runaway inflation and oil prices (oh wait--we have those!). Yes, you see, I have just come to realize that I, as bad as I am and have been known to be since High School, still have not been myself. It appears that I have been channeling the spirit of Lord Voldemort (of Harry potter fame) for the past 6 years." This was not really much of a revelation, of course, but what was, was just how swiftly George W. attacked him on it. Standing next to him, in a show of support, the President appeared quite angry and turned to him and said: "Darn it all, Karl, The Dark Lord? He-who-must-not-be-named!? He was a brilliant tactician, he almost took over the entire Wizarding realm, Karl---why the heck didn't you clue me in so I could have put you in charge of Iraq?!!!!" At this point I started to smell sulfur and brimstone. I just hoped mine wasn't the only television receiving this broadcast! I pulled out my cellphone and, even though I knew it would cause every kind of petty overage known to cellphone science, I called HELL.
"I thought that would get your attention!" Satan said.
"Oh man, you mean it wasn't real?" I asked.
"Oh, it's real, except it is not really Lord Voldemort he is channeling, but rather a resident of my domain, Aerostreptos, an ancient Mesopotamian regional ruler that created death and mayhem and was only a tactical genius in his own mind! I figured he would fit well with this administration but because he fashioned himself a 'dark lord' with mystical powers to try to dissuade his detractors from killing him, which actually did not work as they threw him into a pit with a thousand scorpions, I guess there was a misidentification. But while this is all true, in actuality, Karl and George haven't really gone public. You are the only one who knows!" Satan laughed, thinking how frustrating this would be for me.
"No. I am the only one who saw that transmission, but that there are evil influences surrounding this administration is hardly a shock. I assure you, the majority of the country, and the world, already knows this.
(To be continued...)