It was 9:00PM on election night and I was waiting for Satan at the same New York City bar I met him at the first time when we made our agreement to show up again tonight.
When Satan showed up at the bar, he was wearing a parka.
“Things getting a little chilly down there?” I asked
“It does happen, occasionally. If your blog ever becomes popular, I expect to be climbing glaciers and fighting polar bears for the last scraps of seal meat.”
“Very funny. Clearly you get a little testy when you don't think things are going to go your way.”
“I'm not omniscient, but I did a little of my own exit polling. It's not a random sampling, but I look at everyone who dies on Election Day from stress related disorders and see what party affiliation they have. I have to send my minions out to various emergency rooms for this information, because if I just relied on who gets sent down to hell, then every election would look like it's skewed against the Conservatives.” Satan started to laugh a little.
“I'm glad you always get a kick out of our little get-togethers.” I said
“I always laugh when the topic is politics. It was one of the few creations of mine that got to stick around.”
“Why doesn't that surprise me?” I asked rhetorically. Then, as I looked up at the flat screen I said, “Shhh, here come the first results.”
We sat there for hours, in a haze of cigar smoke, and the smell of various single malt scotches intermingling. It was one of the few bars in all the city where you can still smoke a cigar with your drinks. Although I'd given cigars up, I decided to have one with Satan. I figured, when Satan offers you a “light” I just as soon take him up on it and make sure it's just my cigar.
The Congress went to the Democrats. The Senate was still too close to call. “Hey!” I said. “Did you have anything to do with that?”
“Just trying to keep things interesting.” He smiled. Besides, I'm enjoying the Scotch. What's our rush?”
“All well and good.” I said. “But don't start playing around with hanging chads and the Supreme Court again!”
“No, I won't be doing that this time. I got away with it in 2000, but then after what I did in Ohio in 2004, I have been restricted from the United States national election process...for a little while....” Satan responded. Then he started to laugh, “I guess the thinking was... better late than never!” He said through the laughter.
Then they announced that Lieberman had won reelection. "Hey, what about that?" I asked.
"Every single thing wrong in the world is not always my doing." Satan responded.
"Okay. But what about that one?" I asked.
He didn't answer. He had a smirk on his face, and I wondered, but there were those restrictions he said he was under--temporarily. Then again, he was the one who told me about those restrictions. Could he be lying? He taught Karl Rove how to Push-Poll, he taught George W. that war as a last resort meant anytime you want to, he taught Ann Coulter that shamelessness, stupidity and lying are virtues, so why not be lying now?
To be continued as the results come in....