Thursday, January 01, 2009

Happy 2009! and … My Year End Dinner with Satan. (part 1)

I was sitting here contemplating how far behind I’d fallen in my blog. Among other things, there was no election night coverage with Satan, because election night had gone much quicker and smoother than I had anticipated. Luckily, at least for the possibility of getting something interesting up on the blog, my cell phone rang and the display said Hell.
“What’s going on?” Satan asked. “I noticed you didn’t post our election night coverage.”
“Post what? How we sat there and watched the returns as they came in, smooth and steady to the conclusion projected by the polls? That would’ve been particularly boring, even for this blog.”
“We enjoyed that nice Chianti and some fine cigars.” Satan retorted
“Yeah, but that’s more interesting in person than it is for people to read about.” I responded.
”You think?”
“Duh!” I responded. “Not a lot has gone on lately. The economy is still having a rocky time, we’re in that after election lull--- politically. There’s just not much to do.” I said, disappointed.
“Are you burning out, man? Because if you are, you came to the right guy.” Satan laughed.
“No. I would just like some material for a post. Election night didn’t give it to me.”
“There’s more to this world than the election.” Satan said.
“Which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask you, are republicans dumber than dirt? Or is it that they just think everyone else is? And what do you have to do with it?”
Moi? And, whatever do you mean?” Satan asked innocently.
“Well, let’s look at this whole automobile companies bail-out. The Republicans blocked it, because they said the greedy unions, and thereby, greedy union workers, would not make enough concessions. Now, while admittedly, the unions are going to have to continue to give concessions on benefits, current, and especially in the future, where do the Republicans get off stopping the bailout and calling these workers greedy? Even with the limitations on executive compensation in the $700 billion financial services bail out; an executive can make as much as a score of auto workers, or more. Also, we can blame a chunk of our current financial woes directly on the financial sector---that we had to bail out. While the auto companies certainly could have done a better job of remaking themselves for the future, if the economy hadn’t tanked so suddenly and credit tightened up so, completely, the auto companies would have continued getting by, while they continued their own attempts at turnarounds. So, again, are Republicans dumber than dirt, or do they just think the rest of the American public is? Clearly, they have no sympathy for hundreds of thousands of union workers who----tend to vote Democrat. But for them to do all of this so blatantly and arrogantly, it makes me wonder if there are outside forces contributing to this nonsense?” I paused at this point, waiting for Satan to fess up.
"I take it you are pausing, waiting for me to confess?” Satan asked.
“Sure.” I said.
“I had nothing to do with it. It was a plan conceived and implemented by conservative Republicans, to appear fiscally responsible, if you can believe it. In reality though, it was also a move to force President Bush to act, so that they could embarrass and blame him if it went awry, for handing them the loss in the presidential election, which of course they blame entirely on him, because it is more palatable than them ever having to take any responsibility themselves.”
“I see.” I said “It reminds me of a song, but not, of course, Obama the magic negro.”
“A lot of people were upset with Obama the Magic Negro. I understand upset, but surprised? If I have had anything to do with any of this, it is helping many politicians open up and face the light. I help them to let everyone get to see the real person inside, instead of just let them hide in the shadows and do things behind the scenes. From singing about Obama to, can you say Blagojevich?, I like to see people be themselves. It's very entertaining." Satan laughed. "Besides, I understand you have been working on a tune of your own, which I assume was the song you were eluding to.”
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Demonware on your computer. Better than spyware and hey, at least, I helped you finish it! You did not seem able to find a suitable ending, so I gave it one only I could!”
“You mean, I should have entitled this post “Satan is my co-author?!”
“Yep! Here we go….”
(To the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, sort of, loosely)

Republicans, the Red Necked Failures

Republicans, the Red Necked Failures
Had an 8 year collapse
First they brought down the nation
Then helped the world fall on its ass.

They spend us into oblivion
Then blame it on Democrats past
Ignored all the warnings
Blame everyone else until the last

Invade Iraq for no real reason
Attack the unions but bailout your friends
Republicans with your lies so bright
Wonder how you sleep at night?

Now all the failures love Palin
I guess in 2012 we’ll see
If she’s better than a potted plant?
Evil-doing Republicans. you’ll go down in HELL…with ME.

“Nice twist at the end.” I said.

“Please note that I specified 'evil-doing Republicans' at the end, to preserve your open mindedness and not imply that you lump all Republicans together."

"Thank you. It is true. I have some good friends and relatives that have more conservative viewpoints. I find them often wrong, but not evil in any way." I said.
"Listen," Satan began, "why don’t you come meet me at the bar of our favorite New York night spot, and let’s see if we can brainstorm a good sendoff for your blog in 2009.”

“Okay, but by sendoff…you really mean like 'kickoff', sort of a new beginning, not like a farewell to blogging or anything, right? You’re not getting blogger to kick me off, or something?”

“Get my favorite blog canceled? Now that would be a helluva thing to do, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, real funny. I’m on my way….”

(To be continued…..)


Bruce said...

Questions for your next pow-wow with Mr. Satan. I'm curious about:

*his eating habits
*what he drives
*his relationship with Ralph Nader
*who his "ghost" writers are
*his relationship with Michael Moore

LHwrites said...

The devil can't live on wine, single malt scotch and cigars alone, eh? I'll look into it. We seem to have similar taste in cars, fast and sporty, though he has had a different automobile every time I've seen one when we meet. I suspect he just borrows them, as I believe he has an interest in many car dealerships (no real surprise there). He said it did seem like he was involved with Nader in 2000, but in actuality, was just vacationing in Florida at the time of the election. Whether true or not, he takes full credit for his writing. As for Michael Moore, he says he wishes he would get more close-ups in his documentaries, such as when he was whispering to W. Bush on the golf course in Fahrenheit 9/11.,

Bruce said...

Do you know anything about his romantic practices.

Was he greasing the wheels in the Clinton White House when Monica & Bill did their thing?

LHwrites said...

He does not like to talk about romance as he believes that is between 2, or so, consenting adults. He feels bad for his role in the Clinton/Lewinsky situation. He said he encouraged Bill to do "something" with Monica because so many Republicans in the congress and senate cheated on their wives, that he thought this would help bring Clinton and the Republicans closer together; bridge the gap, as it were, as kindred spirits. When he saw that the Republicans chose to be disingenuous, instead of chummy, he sent Larry Flynt in to expose their hypocrisy.

Satan said...

I do indeed say that what I claim to write, I do in fact author. I have had much to do with many of your politicians, but not the ones the readers here seem to think. Clinton never played ball with me and his 'sins' were too minor for me to get involved. He had family problems and I do not get involved with those. George W. Bush, and Cheney, now there was evil, but not my brand. I like ironic, and interesting, not deceitful and pathetic.

Bruce said...

Dear Satan,

What i'd like for Christmas...whoops, wrong dressed-in-red guy.

You seem oddly partisan...i thought evil spread itself out more widely. OK, i'll buy that Clinton had family issues. But tell me that Peanut man [Jimmy-boy] hasn't made a deal with you, and i'll have to call you a liar.

Satan said...

I work with everybody. Just ask Blagojevich. Some people are just too good to be associated with me, but that does not mean they are not misguided (Nader--politically) or prone to human foibles (Clinton---and his personal life). As for Ex-President Carter, sadly, he is misguided and prone to human failings. His fall, not from grace, but off the firm foundation of reason, is motivated by his failed Presidency, and ultimately, the failed MidEast Peace Process that he thought was going to be his legacy despite his political failings. He blames Israel because he feels they can reason intellectually and change course. He, subconsciously perhaps, understands he cannot expect any reason or change from the Palestinians or Hamas. Therefore, since only one party is in control, is reasonable, and is superior technologically, governmental and humanely, he has grasped at the straws of believing if only they would do something--anything--be goaded by diatribes and inaccuracies, maybe something could still be salvaged. Or, if people believe his thesis, at least they will see it was not the great and well meaning Jimmy Carter that failed, but the ignoble Israelis. However, those who believe and promote his ridiculous thesis---some of them associate with me.

Bruce said...

So you deny working directly with President Peanut. I'm not sure I believe you. The guy's in bed with the worst jihadis this side of the Euphrates.

Bruce said...

Are you sure you weren't around when Bill aimed for that dress? Or perhaps when Monica decided not to launder it?

Satan said...

I stand behind my assertions with regards to my understanding of Jimmy Carter's motivations. As for Bill and Monica. I had nothing to do with his aim. As for her decision not to launder the dress...well, I never said I was not involved there. Did I not mention I use to play Mah Jong with Linda Tripp?

Bruce said...

At the risk of 'lowering' the discussion, it dawns on me that perhaps it wasn't Bill's aim at all, but Monica at the wheel.

What are your plans for the Obama administration? While most of us wish him well, you must have other designs. Perhaps Ashley Dupre [the woman who took down Governor Spitzer] will appear with Joe Biden at a major fundraising dinner?

Satan said...

I don't like to recycle, it's too environmentally beneficial, so I won't be using Ashley. I don't like to talk about future plans. Let us all enjoy the fruits of my labor as the new administration unfolds.

Satan said...

By the way.... It was never Bill's aim, but his trust and judgement. It's no risk, of course, because I am indeed lowering the discussion, because I am, afterall, comfortable down low! Monica had assured Bill, that, like a spy eating a secret message before the bad guys arrive, she would swallow all the evidence.

Bruce said...

She failed in that mission. Gosh, i'd hate to be Ms. Lewinsky...has she written a book yet? Are you helping?

tina said...

Glad to see you are still around. Happy 2009:)

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Anonymous said...

That man is idle who can do something better.

LHwrites said...

I am sorry to say anonymous was right. I had been idle and for far too long. I am back and in a bigger way than ever. I won't let the ball drop again!