Thursday, December 27, 2012

The 2nd Amendment---Let's Kick It Up A Notch! I’m the NHGA.

A lot of people are against the current push, borne of recent tragedy, to limit gun rights, but I’m not so sure anymore. I support arming ‘good people’ in the fight against evil. Evil doesn’t always wear an easily identifiable costume unless you are watching Batman or the Avengers. But we have to find some way to ensure the ‘good people’ can take out the ‘bad people’ even when they’re armed with assault weapons. The problem is if you arm each other with guns you just get a gun fight and you give the bad guys an even shot at success. Well, we have a new organization; The NHGA (a.k.a. the National Hand Grenade Association)---and we have a better way. We believe, especially combined with ‘stand your ground laws’ that we will be able to protect all the quality human beings. Imagine this scene, a couple of ‘nice people’ walking arm and arm down the street. You see a ‘bad guy’ concealing his assault rifle cleverly in a guitar case. There he is about to enter that music school surely looking to cause mayhem and destruction---but not this bad guy---you pull out your hand grenades and lob one or two and ---problem solved---another loser taken off the streets before he could even think of committing the crime. Now the NHGA is not really about hand grenades. We’re about our constitutional rights---but mostly we’re about hand grenades---but not just hand grenades---we’re about all small explosive ordnance! It doesn’t even have to be that small---though if it can be easily concealed that’s a plus. You know, a rocket grenade launcher is no bigger than an assault rifle but you’d be hard pressed to stop a rogue elephant (a bigger risk to our urban landscapes than loony left wing pacifists might have you believe) with an assault rifle---but with a grenade launcher I not only stop that charging elephantine threat to my liberty but that big baby is practically turned into a piano and loveseat---right on the spot---albeit perhaps of the jigsaw puzzle variety---some assembly required! When people know you are carrying explosives they give you the respect you never commanded with your low self esteem or small penis. You think an assault rifle makes you a man or a strong woman---try plastic explosives---those really give you confidence along with the exhilaration of knowing you could take out a bunker filled with terrorists---or just a high school reunion filled with the people who used to torment you when you were all teens. Let me tell our gun toting friends something---mine’s bigger! You may think that Glock in your pocket means we’ll all be scared to see you---but my grenade can take out you and the horse, or large SUV, you rode in on! Remember only 1 out of every 2 people ‘accidentally’ shot by Dick Cheney on a hunting trip still supports gun rights! But no one blown to bits by explosives ever speaks out against them again. You see the answer to fighting fire---is with even greater firepower---everyone knows that! Come join with us now and fight for our rights which will be especially important if World War III accidentally breaks out. But please don’t limit our choices---we’re not sissy gun owners---we don’t need no stinkin’ assault rifles---we’re the NHGA---making our nation safer one blasted crater at a time. Join now and the first 500 members get a free hand grenade keychain with a working grenade! Offer not available to our friends here in Communist New York where Governor Comrade Cuomo is looking to ban assault rifles and have the most restrictive gun laws in the nation. What’s next Comrade Governor, a ban on armor piercing bullets? Sure banning those might protect a few of our precious police officers but what are law abiding citizens supposed to do if a crazed pack of armadillos attack? Huh?? I’ll tell you what---we’re gonna blow their armor coated asses off with hand grenades—that’s what---{high five}! Join me in securing our Rights and getting the upper hand---finally---on the ‘bad guys’ as well as, of course, people that just piss us off! Thank you. The NHGA looks forward to your support.

45 comments:

Bruce said...

Great, poignant piece....with lots of delicious sarcasm. Nice.

Bruce :}

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